In the spring of 2019, I started making a list. When I talk about this list, people call it a bucket list, but that’s not exactly what it is. A bucket list is things you want to do before you die. My list is made up of things I’ve always wanted to do but never dared attempt because of fear. Some of it was fear of doing something scary, but most of it was fear of what others would think, or fear of push-back from others. Fear of striking out on my own and doing what I wanted because I clung so tightly to what I was “supposed” to be or do. Fear built on other people’s fears. I had strapped myself into a life focused on finding safety and not disrupting the status quo, around pleasing others at my own expense. This list flies in the face of those fears, whether they were justified or not.

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