After Chad, I jumped back on online dating sites within a month. Looking back, it was too fast, but I was lonely and missed the happy brain chemicals. I convinced myself I was ready again. It was the end of May 2020, and as much of the world stayed in some form of quarantine, America began to ease its door open and peeeeek through the crack like that one kid who can’t wait for Christmas morning. Meanwhile, COVID numbers continued to rise, politicians were gearing up for the presidential election, and George Floyd was murdered.

Chad loved otters, which are also my dad’s favorite animal. I took that as a good sign. After I shared a baby otter picture with him one day, he described how they hold paws with each other in the water. He wrote, “What more could you want from life than someone to float along and hold hands with?”